The Gift of Envisioning

Mom snatched the dish cloth from Tim. Annoyed and embarrassed, he stood helplessly while she mopped up around his water glass. Some guests were watching sympathetically, and someone told Tim, “Don’t worry, it happens to all of us.” 

That’s not what Mom is thinking, Tim thought to himself. 

And Mom, you’re just trying to make me look stupid by not letting me clean it up myself. ‘Here’s the cloth, Mommy; now you can clean up my mess. You’re welcome.’

Of course it wasn’t a pleasant experience for Mom herself. It’s easy to take it personally when your children make a mistake. And no one likes to be embarrassed in front of guests. But what message is Tim getting? That he’s not competent, that he creates chaos for others to clean up, and that he’s irresponsible and incompetent. 

Now, let's imagine Mom realizes how she's affecting Tim and learns to empathize with him. She understands that by stepping back and allowing him to handle his own mistakes, she’s supporting his independence and confidence. Tim starts to see himself as capable and responsible, knowing that his mom believes in his ability to learn and grow. This approach encourages him to face challenges with resilience, understanding that failure is a learning opportunity rather than a reflection of his incompetence. 

This is the impact of having an unconditional positive regard for another person. Whether at home, in the workplace, or in any kind of relationship, the person with the greatest influence is the one who knows how to use this skill. Seeing beyond a person’s current behaviour and recognizing their highest potential. Not shaming them for not being at their highest potential, but quietly supporting them in becoming it. Stepping in and envisioning for those whose visions have been squashed, believing for them until they can believe in themselves. 

Let’s start with a positive regard for ourselves. How can we call forth our own higher selves? What kind of premise, or what people and environments can elicit our highest expression? A whole industry is built around topics like this, so obviously we can’t answer these questions in one paragraph. But we can start by being aware of where we are and where we want to be. 

If our highest dreams have been squashed, this might be a good time to invite those dreams to come back once more. Let’s wake up those high ideals that once inspired us, and allow ourselves to believe that they are meant to be.